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December 10th, 2006
01:58 pm
Glorioskee Zero! I just got the greatest email hug in the world!
It's been a short year, it's just wizzed by so fast I haven't nearly done all the things that I had planned to.
I've lost ground in some places but moved ahead miles in others so I'll call it a wash.
Things have been odd with my parents but they seem to be normalizing. It's just easier to think about moving out of state if they don't need so much care.
I'm new leafing. In previous new leafings I quit smoking, biting my nails, drinking 3 cokes every day.. stuff, really good stuff so it works. This is very encouraging (somewhat out of character for me) and this time I'm just doing little stuff, dishes and making the bed and taking my multivitimin stuff. I'd like to start doing yoga every day. Learning to write is out there as well as praps learning english more better.
Well, Happy Birthday me.
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November 8th, 2006
11:17 pm - what's new
so, i'm chickenshit.. what's new..
So, it's been ages since I've done this regularly and well, I'm not sure if I should be saying this but what-the-hey; I can track the moment that I quit being open here to the moment that I discovered that I REALY liked a couple of the folks I was talking to at that time and I'd become comfortable in the community.. all of a sudden I have something to lose! So I clammed up -
Also I didn't want anything that I said to be interpreted as a message to one or another.. well if you, my sweet readers, will promise not to read anything here as a personal message to you I would like to resume my ungrammatical run-on ramblings here
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/sam/happy.gif) cheerful
Current Music: tv too loud from the other room
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August 14th, 2006
10:03 am - just copied from the other place.. lazy but whatever
It is a funny thing that it's been so long since my last bloggage. Then it's all erased. Clean and clear.
I read back through my blog history. Not a big job but interesting that I felt the need to bolt once a month. I'm feeling so much more settled/comfortable with being a leather dyke.
I'm definately happier these days, doing less but that's the thing about being focussed. I'm done with school and am now just studying for the state licensing exam.
Before this little phase I was doing office chick stuff, so my wardrobe was almost entirely polyester pants and knit tops. Not what I would wear out in the world. For six months right out of that job I worked at making stained glass. The process of working with glass pretty much chewed up every other piece of clothing that I owned.
So now, I'm imagining a new career and moving to the west coast(wahoo! I do miss winters). For the first time in a couple years I'm thinking about buying clothes. The last eight or ten months have brought flirting and female attention. This makes me feel perty and feminine. It's having a strong influence in my likes and dislikes.
New things this month are. Single bladed razors way better than the double and tripple blades. Yes shave more often but nary an ingrown hair. Color Pulse from L'Oreal - wow! the best colour that I've found yet, such a sweet long lived violet. Anise and almond biscotti - almost better than sex and way better than chocolate, yes, i said it.. better than chocolate.
I'm in LOVE with http://www.sock-dreams.com
Dang, I could see having a fetish for thigh high socks. It's making me wonder if I'm too old for maryjanes and short skirts.
it's a beautiful world
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July 29th, 2006
08:27 pm
got me a new cooler color..
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07:10 pm - U4EA
It's been a productive day. I'm trying to get back on track. There's a Good Eats marathon on the tube and to justify five hours of tv I have also done the laundry and a load of homework.
Not just anatomy homework but my wanna-be-a-better-person homework. So I'm sitting in the living room with my cup o'joe and books all around me, the kids are in heaven. Little dude is always complianing about me sitting in spots that he doesn't like(specifically the office). Side note: he is now making the sweet love to my new crocs - i like em too.
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July 28th, 2006
05:01 pm - Hope 139
I quit smoking some time last December. Right now,I really want a cigarette.
The nutbar reason I haven't gotten one isn't my job or how other people view smokers, or my health.
Honestly, I never liked all the trash associated with it. The butt, thousands of them, and the paper and box wrapping every twenty cigarettes, the celophane around that pack and then the box that contains them.. and of course the case all of those get delivered in..
very nearly everything that we do is associated with, paper plastic, a box or what ever but it's easier to justify or weigh returns, but for smoking?
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July 16th, 2006
01:06 am - memememe
(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)
| ✓ I miss somebody right now. (several somebodys) |
✓ I don't watch much TV these days. |
× I own lots of books. |
| × I wear glasses or contact lenses. |
× I love to play video games. |
✓ I've tried marijuana. |
| ✓ I've watched porn movies. |
✓ I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. |
✓ I believe honesty is usually the best policy. (actually, i don't believe it but I act "as if") |
| ✓ I curse sometimes. (may your face break out at a most inopportune moment..) |
✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. |
× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me. |
( it goes on... )
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July 15th, 2006
03:56 pm - Eiffel Tower
To-do
item #284805 - see the Eiffel Tower
I used to associate an ex lover with the Eiffel tower.. cuz, I mostly saw her from below.. looking up
It was sensational but it didn't last. It was understood when we got started that the relationship wasn't serious, I was in love but not unrealistic.
Edit - Edit - Edit - Edit - Oh, EDIT -
I'm feeling much better but it's only been a day away from a really low, low.. wow, I've just had an awesome nap and eaten a cup of hummus and I'm feeling loose and satisfied.
I miss my friend in Florida but I never see her on the weekends anyway.. pout.. sometimes I wish I was a cute little puppy.. she's a sucker for dawgs .. how about a crested?
Smooches Dahlings.. wish I could live on both coasts, then again.. maybe
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June 1st, 2006
10:42 pm - WHAT E-V-E-R
Oh, I am soooo sorry that I've dropped off lately I'm kinda having a split personality thing.. on the one hand it's been a good life.. the world is beautiful and treating me well.. but the waiting is eating up all my happyhappy
i'm perty happy with my special friends.. yup, they're still so very sweet..
proly going north to visit some of the folks up there and check out the neighborhood to see if it's a go to move there
It's just been a really long few months, i'm really looking forward to actually working at a job and getting a paycheck.. i realize it was a deal i made. but i'm getting nervous, it feels like i'm not pulling my own weight and i'm getting anxiety problems and i need a cigarette
anyhow.. i do still love my life.. it's just i don't feel quite comfy right now and I really hate to write when i aint got good news
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May 17th, 2006
11:43 am
I'm droopy today, no, unhinged - it's as though i am weary right down to the bone.
I don't feel like I've slept in a week, come to think of it, it's been a couple days since i showered and brushed my teeth.. oh, i need to get out of the house.. bye, ta, later.. this machine is eating my soul.
ps
smooches Ma
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May 14th, 2006
07:52 pm
ooh, I'm having a good time of it.. it's a beautiful world, i got sweet friends all over the continent, I'm feeling better everday.. Eddy Izzard on the tube being clever, windows are open and it's breezy.. oh yeah and that dirty minded penpal is just so delicious..
tomorrow: to do, look for work
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May 5th, 2006
12:39 pm - swing low
My heart is so full, affection is falling from my eyes...
Yeah, it's been a back and forth kinda mood like week, probably hormones. I'm feeling insecure.. perhaps it is all the boxes in my bedroom. They aren't mine but I am responsible. There are so many things that I feel responsible for but unable to handle. Maybe that is what is causing this unease. Perhaps it is because there are so many people that I feel so very close to.. and I am so isolated and have a hard time reaching out.... it's so scary.. and shit, but everyone is so far away..
Yup, it's a mood.. hopefully it's going to rain today and it'll be a good day to cry and nap.
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May 4th, 2006
02:05 pm
my dears, sorry for yesterday, I was blue and having a pitty party. Mamela remided me that there are people who care about me, and I got a nice virtual hug before bed so all is well.
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May 3rd, 2006
05:15 pm - cutting
Wow, I just had the most delicious fantasy about being cut.. would you believe it? I'm thinking about a design that i might like, which leads to the process and watching her face .. this is all so very new and i'm skeered and excited and hopeful and tr
oh, i want to be held.. i think that is what i miss the most about this solitary life i have.
no one ever touches me. I wonder what it is that i do that sets up this dynamic?
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April 30th, 2006
10:11 pm - oooowww that hurts
Dang, it was a baaad weekend but i lost weight so it ain't all bad.
I've been napping for a couple days now and I sorta lost a day somewhere.. it's been good, i've been drinking V8 and eating precious little else
Tried to go shopping today.. couldn't keep up with dad had to sit it out.. I'm just being a baby. I like think it's got to do with a reawakening of the goddess within(sorta like godzilla).. it's been suggested that it may be peri-menopause.. my luck
well, the next beverage is sleepytime tea..
I love this world
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April 27th, 2006
04:42 pm
So, I decided last night that i was going to have to go out and get a sales job of some sort, target or walmart and this morning my dad totalled his car on his way to work. So there goes my transportation plans and then I thought about it.. he wasn't even bruised.. and since i'm just now free he can use my car.. lucky shit .. and i am thankful
I just snapped at my sister.. she wants what she wants and she wants it now, she didn't even ask if dad was ok. I shouldn't take it out on her, I just worry about what is going to happen when I leave, who is going to take care of her.
Dang, i have a headache and I shouldn't be rambling. too many dot dot dots, lazy punctuating
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April 26th, 2006
11:06 pm - long days
Well, my slacking life is nearly done, i'm so excited.. wahoo.. I still expect that it might still be september before i get my papers to
I've got so much good happening right now, it's hard to bear and difficult not to listen for the other shoe to fall
For all that, i am extraordinarily happy. I love giving massages, absolutely, and my luck is back. Must be doing something right.
I just feel like well.. never mind, but it is very good
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12:35 am - yeah, what e-v-e-r
I smiled and said all the most sincere crap.. the owner of the scool, had to have one last shot before I walked out the door.. I wonder if she knew that I have been vasilating between staying and bolting.. how sweet of ther to make it easier by giving a nagging about my attitude problem. She had tears in her eyes, I had hurt her feelings. GROW UP! G-E-T A L-I-F-E She ruined a perfectly lovely post massage glow.
It's been ten hours, two cookies and a couple glasses of wine now and I can see it as a relief. I was stressing out about their relaxed attitude toward my next classes..When? Praps May but more likely in June.. Aaaargg
The world is spinning faster and faster.. today, my last massage as an apprentice was on a new client, she smelled like an old flame, it was incredible the trip I went on. It's made me mushy today, probably still coming down from that hormone rush last week.. I crashed bad and now it's mellowed into warm fuzzies.
Don't take this the wrong way but i should be tied up and spanked
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April 6th, 2006
07:40 pm - nosh
I am quite unbalanced, it's absolutely fabulous really. I feel that i am coming back to my body after being gone for a long time, it's also because I am developing a pash on someone which is putting me in a new delicious mind as well..
feeling quilty - got a sewing project that is almost done boiling up.. a quilt of tea cups, spoons and kettles.. it's going to be fantastic
i've had too much coffee and will most likely stay up too late bummer
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April 2nd, 2006
04:30 pm - divine
So I drew a card today.. Ace of Swords -
It is vital to clear up any misunderstandings so you can get on the same page.
The card that lands in the Situation position refers to social or circumstantial factors which could be affecting your life at this time.
The Ace of Swords in this position indicates a pathway to a mutual destination that zigs and zags... It's all too easy to lose touch with one another along the way. It takes a lot of trust and empathy to stay connected while having different experiences moment to moment.
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geez does the path zig and zag.. I'm having a wee problem with this long distance communication thing.. I'm not so goodly with words sometimes and what I really have just a pat on the back.. or a hug.. not being in the same place and moving in the same direction sometimes gives the feeling of passing in the corridor.. good and sad.. I shall endeavor to make this different
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